Friday, July 31, 2009

My spiraling level of professionalism

After a three week break, I reassumed my temp position at this particular office because I'm so awesome. The office shall remain nameless due to the oath I took upon my entry into the super-secret, super-awesome Guild O'Tempers, which is like the Knights Templar but with more ninjas. However, I will say that the office is within walking distance of my apartment and there's a lot of whiny artists that make demands on my coworkers. But not on me. One of the tempperks.

Today is my fifth day back to work after my hiatus, and to illustrate how comfortable I've gotten at this office, here is a timeline of my level of dressiness and professionalism. See how it decreases almost exponentially from Day 1 to Day 5 on a scale of, uh, 1 to 5, 5 being Hillary Clinton and 1 being a Grateful Dead fan on the third day of a rainy summer festival in Toronto.

Day 1: Modest silk blouse in pale pink, sleeves down to elbows. Charcoal gray trousers. Hair in tight bun. Covered shoes. Level of Professionalism (LoP): 5

Day 2: Blacked ribbed tank top that's from a good English department store and hides my bra straps. Knee length black skirt with floral pattern. Hair in bun held in place with Hello Kitty chopsticks. Covered shoes. LoP: 3.8

Day 3: White ribbed tank top that shows my stomach, but only by accident, because the extreme New York heat forced me to ripped off the spangly pink scarf I've threaded through the belt loops of my jeans in the vain hope that maybe it's the scarf that's turning my back into the Niagara Falls of sweat. Tennis shoes that I shove under my desk for most of the day because it's so freaking hot. Messy bun I keep having to reknot because the humidity makes it slippery. LoP 2 (Most of my sloppiness can be blamed on the heat, so I'm grading myself on the intended effect of my outfit and not on the sodden, ragged mess I actually ended up being on this day.)

Day 4: Black dress with tiny white polk adots, slightly puffed sleeves, and a sash around the waist. Black ballet flats. Bun held neatly in place with ornamental hair picks. LoP: 1.7 (This description doesn't sound so bad, but this dress is one of the freak articles of clothing that, no matter how much skin it covers, will always make me look like a stripper. My high school and college graduation gowns did the same thing.)

Day 5 (today): Blue sarong. White Ninja Masu tank top that I'm pretty sure shows my bra straps in the back. Slippers. Hair down. LoP: 1

Did I mention that today is also laundry day?

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