The talking head on the television said on Monday that every inch of snow falling in New York costs the city $12 million. Being the inquiring mind that I am, I went out into this luxury snowfall—the biggest of the year—to spit in the face of winter and curse all those crazy geese I saw flying north from my bedroom window, mocking me with the promise of spring. The beauty of the NYC snowfall is that the subways, being the underground realm of the mole people, aren't really affected--unless you count 2005, when a homeless person lit a fire in a subway station that got out of control and caused a track fire that killed the main switchboard of the C line. Mind you, this switchboard had been in use since the line opened in the 1930s. The C was out of commission for a year. So other than the occasional catastrophic roaring track fire, subways are a good way to get around in inclement weather.
I’m pleased to report that it was a fine thumping snowstorm, though there were an abnormal amount of Germans out and about taking pictures in Central Park. Didn't quite know what to make of this, but they did take my picture for me and didn't run off with my camera. For only the second time this season, I had opportunity to wear my enormous fur coat that makes me look like Bigfoot with a bad case of water retention. Special thanks to my good friend Yarrow’s grandmother for not giving a damn about those animal rights pansies. In fact, special thanks to all of the dead grandmothers whose coats kept me warm this winter.
On a related note, please clean the old tissues out of your pockets before you pass clothes along to friends, loved ones, and Beacon’s Closet.
Often people wonder if this is my first winter, me being from Hawaii and all. It’s not—I was in Spokane, WA for the winters of ’93-’94 and ’95-’96—and furthermore, Hawaii does have seasons. In the winter, snow falls on the peaks of Mauna Loa and Mauna Kea, the waves on the North Shore of Oahu get huge, and the ocean temperature drops so much your nipples feel like they’re going to drop off.
But I doubt any of those phenomena cost $12 million.
Click here to see my Facebook photos of the snowscapes of New York City.